OK film fans, I'm a little fried tonight. I was hoping to relax, catch some hoops and a new film but my Jeep's breaks decided to explode and that kind of chewed up the day. Since I'm tired and little poorer than I was this morning I'm going to make this quick. Some films will leave you feeling tired and much poorer in spirit after seeing them. To no one's surprise, Hollywood churned out a ton of crappy films over the last decade. Here are my Top 5 Worst Films of the Last Decade. In fairness to the other craptastic films, I'm only going to list the cinematic putrescence I had the misfortune of experiencing.
5. Envy Jack Black and Ben Stiller seem like a comedy duo that would be good as gold. Turns out that really isn't the case. This epic turd bomb was shelved for 2 years and released after the success of Black's School of Rock. Tim (Stiller) and Nick (Black) are neighbors and pals. Nick has an idea for inventing a dog poo vaporizer and Tim declines the offer to get in on the scheme. When it becomes a huge success Nick becomes rich overnight much to the envy of Tim. There are literally no laughs, just dog poop and sadness.
4. The Wicker Man What happens when you take a bizarre 70s British cult film about social norms and religious morals, remake it starring Nic Cage and have it directed by a guy with some issues with women? You get a film so bad it's actually laughable. Oh MST3K where are you when I need you?
3. Bewitched Oh dear God how I hate this movie. Once again the mindless group thinking mouth breathers of Hollywood got together and came up with the brilliant decision to bring a hit TV show (from the 60s!) to the silver screen. Will Ferrell's performance is painful to watch and Nicole Kidman might have gotten Botox injected into her brain for this role. If I hadn't seen this while on a date with my ex I would have burned the theater to the ground, salted the smoldering earth and had a priest bless the remains so evil could never return.
2. The Love Guru After taking a well deserved 5 year hiatus from appearing in film Michael Myers returned with this. Why? It was like someone had sucked out all of his talent. As for this series of unfunny sketches loosely combined to waste 85 minutes of your life, it just sucks.
1. Battlefield Earth If this was John Travolta's chance to show the world the talented vision of his beloved L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the cult known as Scientology, he failed miserably. This film appears in just about every top 10 list of the worst films you can find. It's so bad it's not even worthy of being mocked. It's just the epitome of bad film making. And one more thing, Scientologists can suck it.
Editor's Note: Once again the auto save mechanism has failed me. I assure you this post was completed and originally posted on Saturday, March 20th before this website screwed me over. Thank you, come again.
No comments:
Post a Comment